Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
no you cant smoke seaweed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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