I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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