every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
