even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
