i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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