Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
