oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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