Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
