We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
