I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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