We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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