I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So many bounce houses so little time
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
