I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
