Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
