I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
