Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
