ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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