The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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