I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
