I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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