These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
