i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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