Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
