I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.