It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
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Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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