She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.