Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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