I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize