I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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