its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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