Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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