You really coming over, don't trick.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
