I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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