Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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