Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
did i just pee glitter
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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