so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
