Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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