See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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