I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
