My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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