mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
