Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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