She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
