If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
