and you said cock pushups were impossible
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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