I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
