a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
