is your mom at the bar?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
