Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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