Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
