I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it