I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround