Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I need a burrito and a hug.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize