Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dear god my vagina.
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