dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
