update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
