Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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