i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
