Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
