so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Houston, we have a squirter
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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