Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
