Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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