so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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