I need help removing her.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
