She announced her abortion via fbk
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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