I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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