i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
where does the pee come out of this thing
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
