She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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