Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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