I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
