he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
a search helicopter?!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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