nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
