I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
