Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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