Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
