I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
