i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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