you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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