It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
