So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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