You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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