There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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