There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
